Chuck: The Owner's Guide and Maintenance Manual
by samshair
Summary: Fold up your manual to make paper airplanes?  Shred it with your last set of ransom notes?  Here's a fresh copy.  Not with the permission of Schwartz or Fedak.


ETA: Did you notice the Casey FAQs in there? Sorry, I've been using a template...

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><p>Charles Bartowski: The Owner's Guide and Maintenance Manual<p>

Congratulations you are now the owner of a fully automated CHUCK unit. To ensure you get the full use and benefits of your nerd herder, please pay close attention to the following instructions.

Basic Information:

Name: Charles 'Chuck' Irving Bartowski, AKA Charles Carmichael

Place Of Manufacture: BuyMore Creations, Burbank Division

Height: 6'4"

Weight: Unknown

Your CHUCK unit will come with the following accessories:

One Nerd Herd uniform

One suit

Two polos

One pair of jeans

When you first open your CHUCK unit, he may scream really loud or flash on you. Hopefully not.

Programming:

Your CHUCK unit is smart, brave-ish, and can carry out the following functions:

Computer Repairman: Usually you just forgot to press 'power' on your monitor, which by the way, is from the 90s. Why not head down to your local Buy More and get a new one?

Spy: Although he usually stays in the car, CHUCK is more than competent enough to carry out any 'spy' mission _you_ could come up with.

Reliable Ride: He did it for Morgan, and he'll do it for you. CHUCK has hardly anything in his schedule, so he's free to drive you wherever, whenever.

Intersect: Think your neighbour is KGB? Your boss is FBI? Bank manager SD-6? Just get CHUCK to flash on them, and prove all your paranoid suspicions correct!

Security Officer: Casey didn't call him 'Mad Dog' for nothing.

Your CHUCK unit comes with five different modes

Buy More (Normal)

Spy

Love

Angry

Scared/confused

Buy More mode is the default setting for CHUCK. In this mode, he will watch sci-fi movies, play Angry Birds, be generally nice to everyone, and hopefully move some merchandise.

In Spy mode, CHUCK can usually be found in the car. If not in the car, simply page Mr. Carmichael to claim your unit back, although you COULD leave him alone to do his job, but hey! Why not be clingy? You DID spend good money on the guy!

Love mode can be activated fairly unannounced within your first two years of owning the CHUCK unit, however, if you choose to purchase a SARAH unit, you don't have much to worry about.

Angry mode is activated rarely, and as such, is not a big enough concern to make our employees type out its information. If angry mode is activated, there isn't anything you can do, anyways.

Scared/confused mode is activated on occasion, when your unit is in the field or on a cover date with SARAH. Just let him figure things out on his own.

RELATIONS WITH OTHER UNITS:

JOHN CASEY: We have not experienced any major problems between these two units; however it is recommended you do not leave them alone together often, or you never know.

SARAH WALKER: If you really need to know this, maybe it isn't the best idea you own one of our units. Idiot.

MORGAN GRIMES: Your MORGAN and CHUCK units are best friends. Really, don't worry about it.

ELLIE BARTOWSKI: As his older sister, ELLIE is always concerned with CHUCK, so if you think you're receiving too many house calls from ELLIE across the street, maybe you should consider, well SUCKING IT UP.

CLEANING:

CHUCK is perfectly capable.

ENERGY:

CHUCK will eat pretty much anything you give him, and would appreciate you packing him a lunch on workdays. He also seems to enjoy cheese balls.

FREQUENTLY ASKED QUESTIONS:

Q: CHUCK isn't flashing. What's wrong!

A: It happens sometimes. Just wait it out, or if you're desperate, reboot.

Q: He wants to watch Tron. What's a Tron?

A: Seriously? You don't…? My God, people these days.

Q: My unit isn't as awesome as he looked in the TV ad. Is he broken?

A: Sorry, during the Christmas/Hanukkah rush, packages can get messed around. I think you want the CAPTAIN AWESOME unit. Send CHUCK back, we'll ship AWESOME out for you.

Q: He grew a beard and ate all my cheese balls. I have company coming over, and he won't put on pants.

A: He's pretty much destitute at this point. What do you want us to do about it?

WARRANTY:

With proper care you CHUCK unit should live until the end of his days, or until a mission goes south and his show is cancelled he is shot. If, for some reason, this unit is not the one you wanted, you can return him within 60 days of purchase with a receipt only.


End file.
